Rainbow in the clouds

~ him ~

2006-09-18T11:24:00.001+08:00

I met quite a number of people during dance classes. Some I got to know very well, some just on first name basis, some took some time to warm up, some just too cold. There is one person I would like to talk more about.

***
Oh you! Of all the guys I know in the dance classes, you were the only one who literally swept me across the dance floor! You were the one who changed my mind about waltz. I really didn’t like waltz initially however after you swept me across the dance floor … wow I changed my mind. The thought that I could do waltz had became something possible for me to achieve. :)

I really do like you as a person and would like to know you better as a friend. You came across as a sincere person and a gentleman too. Whenever I see you, I feel happy because I enjoyed practising my steps with you and I know I will learn something from you. You were willing to share what you know and what you had experienced. I like your passion for dancing, for waltz and the efforts and hard work you put in.

Thank you! We have not really got pass the acquaintance stage yet. I hope to have the chance to get to know you better. Thank you for taking time to practice with me even when I can clearly see that you are tired. For your encouragements. For knowing when to hold back your comments so that I won’t be discouraged. For your corrections on my posture, my hold, my steps, etc. For making me feel at ease. For being comfortable with me. For not putting a barrier between us. For being able to see that what I wanted was just to learn to dance well.

Thank you for everything! :)

Good Things He Will Not Withhold

2006-06-02T09:59:00.000+08:00

Ps 84:11 (NLT)
For the LORD God is our light and protector.
He gives us grace and glory.
No good thing will the LORD withhold
from those who do what is right

Things have been progressing with B and LH. Some I like and some I don't. Some of it upset me while some filled me with joy.

However, I will remind myself that God will not withhold any good thing from me. What He withhold means that it is not beneficial for me. Thank you God!

Lately, Holy Spirit has been prompting me to look and mediate more on Rebekah (Gensis 24). What was she doing before the servant of Abraham approached her. What she did when the servant approached her. Really interesting!

Thank you Holy Spirit for guiding me. For helping me see what I must do and change :)

God is faithful

2006-05-11T10:04:00.000+08:00

Gal 6:9 (NKJ)
And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.

God is faithful! Got my increment letter yesterday! Although the amount is less than $50 however I want to give thanks to my faithful Heavenly Father! Last year, on the date I started work with them, I was waiting for the increment letter but none came. Nor was I told whether there will be any increment. It was total silent ... :( I figure it was because my salary has reach the "ceiling" of the salary range.

My boss gave me the letter and told me that they have adjusted the salary range! Praise the Lord!!! Here I was thinking ... oh no if I continue to stay in this company, that's it lah ... no more increment forever! Ah ... God already took care of it!

For awhile I was weary. For the past 4 years, I had been tithing, giving to building funds but I have yet to see the harvest in my financial area. I prayed and asked God to let me see harvest in my financial area and He did.

When Pastor encouraged us to give for Easter weekend, I hesitated. In fact, I did thought of not giving. But God reminded me of His love for people and that I could help meet the needs of those are struggling with bread and butter issues. God also reminded me that I am able to give. The suggested giving for those who are employed is between $300-$400. God challenged me to give the maximum. hahaha ... and God spoke through Pastor! So I gave! Happily! Cheerfully! Now I am seeing my harvest :) Some may think why so happy over little. It is because the bible says to rejoice in all things! To give thanks to the Lord for everything!

Relax lah :)

2006-05-05T14:22:00.000+08:00

Thank you Jesus!! :)

I enjoyed myself so much in dance class. Before I went to class, I prayed that I would be relax and not tiptoeing around him :P but treat him like I would treat a friend.

I partnered with B again. haha ... B always makes me laugh but he is very diligent, just lack some confident.

He was late and stay in our class for awhile because the other class needed "manpower" more than us. After our class, we stayed on to practise. The other class ended 15 mins later and through the glass window, I saw him. So I waved and asked him to come in. haha ... the expression I had on my face must be like a cheeky kid with a secret to tell her friend. I asked him to practise with me and we managed to do a few steps till she came in to tease him about something I said ... aiyoh ... I think she takes joy in teasing him (and me) with the things I casually mentioned to her. Anyway while talking with him and LH, he asked if want to go for a drink. I thought that question was meant for LH, till he turned and asked me the same question. I must have looked a bit surprised coz I didn't expected to be asked along. I said okay but was wondering if I would be a lamp-post leh.

Anyway a few of us went ... I noticed he is relax and talks more with LH ... haha and me, as usual, listen more than I talked. But hey, I learnt a lot of things too! I now see him from another angle, in a different light ...

Thank you Jesus for that breakthrough in my thinking. I was having a hard time for the past few weeks because I couldn't change my mindset about him. But with Jesus, all things are possible. So I commit my thoughts and emotions to His mighty hands and I had a breakthrough. I also got to know more about LH :)

I am looking forward to know B, LH and him better. Things are going to be interesting from now on!

Be Proactive

2006-04-27T08:45:00.000+08:00

Lesson learnt.

Last night at dance class, I saw her doing what I wanted to do for weeks. To be honest, I was fuming mad ... with myself. Why did I wait so long to do it? Why did I hesitate and think to much into it!

Lord, I learnt that in certain situations, I have to be proactive! Remember this lesson!

God and rest ... that's all I need

2006-04-16T16:50:00.000+08:00

Where did all the time went Just couldn't find the time to jot down all that had happened the past month. I will do it in point form ... easier hahaha

* Pst Ulf - He came on 24 Feb and talk about seasons. He referred to Eccl 3:1 and just two days before I was prompted to read Eccl 3:4 ... wah ... amazing! Although its not the exact scripture but its the same chapter, talking about seasons. Pst Ulf also mentioned about latter rain. I remembered praying a few weeks before asking God to water the barren areas of my life with His living water.

* I finally took courage and bought cookies and a thank you card for BS. Just a show of appreciation to him, for being patient in teaching me the dance steps and for practising with me. I was hesitating whether to give him when God ask me, "Is it so difficult just to show appreciation?" That jotted me awake. If others want to laugh at me, that's their right. I truly just wanted to thank him from the bottom of my heart for making dance class so enjoyable, and for being a gentleman :)

* Went for Bangkok trip and came back with lots of stuff. First time I shopped so much at a go! Sometime interesting happened in Bangkok. Got to know a Mr Taiwanese. God is so kind. He knows that boost of confidence I needed.

* Signed up for another 10 lessons of dancing. I enjoyed this class much more than the previous one. For some reasons, I was snubbed by the guys in the 1st class. I was kinda upset but God is awesome. He sent BS, hence the cookies. BS is also in the second class but I rarely get to dance with him coz he is been asked to teach the other girls. hahaha ... he is indeed a popular guy!

* Went to watch Aunt Joyce's class on Monday. They encouraged me to join them. Why not since my Thursday class will be ending this week. Yeah! I will have 3 classes this week! :D

* Finally took 2 months break from Minstry and will go back in July. I had been wanting this break for a long long time. Till now I still couldn't ajust to the timing. I am not sure if I want to continue serving CC. I truly love the kids and miss them :( Sis M asked me to pray and fast, during this 2 months break, about changing Ministry or where God wants me to serve.

* Went for TTT launch on Good Friday. It was ok. It was almost a day event starting at 10:30am and ending at 9pm. Mr Personality is so cute! hahaha ....

The first quarter of the year is coming to an end. I felt that for the past 4 months, I have been rushing here and there. Doing lots of things but I fet that I didn't accomplish anything. And lately I have been getting very tired. Now I only have Saturday to sleep late coz have to serve on Sunday. I need rest and to really gather all my thoughts. Spiritually, I am facing a "lethargic" period.

God, You alone knows what I faced. Emotionally and spiritually. Lord, I am not doing very well, especially in my thoughts area.

Jesus, I need You, to cleanse me, to build me up again, to hold me in Your arms. I need Your gentle touch Lord! I need to experience You daily.

LORD, I NEED YOU!

Levites

2006-03-04T10:20:00.000+08:00

Num 18:21 (NLT)
As for the tribe of Levi, your relatives,
I will pay them for their service in the Tabernacle
with the tithes from the entire land of Israel.

Went for makeup cgm on Thursday. Bro J encouraged us to be discipline in doing QT daily. He said that 15-min QT is just for "maintainence" but a 30-min QT will give us a breakthrough. He then give us a breakdown of what we can do during QT and all that adds up to 30-min. I know God is telling it to me through Bro J. I have been slack in QT recently and I despaired because I know it cannot remain this way. I cant build a relationship with God just based on a occcassionally 15-min QT.

So yesterday, I did started my 30-min QT. And wow ... I was blessed. Was reading Num 18-20 when the above verse striked me. Wow ... the Levites are blessed with tithes from the entire land of Israel! I begin to think further. Why are they blessed? What did they do? Thoughts came rushing through. The Levites were dedicated to the Lord for service in the Tabernacle. They were called to serve the people of Israel. They are doing work for the Lord. God not only provide them with food, He blessed them with the tithes from the entire land of Israel! Holy Spirit reminded me of another verse:

Mt 6:33 (NLT)
He will give you all you need from day to day
if you make the Kingdom of God your primary concern.

God is a good God! As I first seek His kingdom, He will provide what I need from day to day.

Lately, I have been praying about the dry and barren areas in my life ie my financial status, my relationships, my career. For the past 3 years, I have been tithing, serving but I have yet to see blessings in those areas. This verse really encourages me. As I seek Him, as I serve in His Kingdom and His people, He will provide for me.

Thank you Heavenly Father that You are my provider! You know what I need from day to day. You know my heart's desires. You know when is the right time to let me have it.

I lift Your name O Lord, for You alone are worthy to be praised!

Strictly Ballroom

2006-02-22T13:52:00.000+08:00

Eccl 3:4
A time to weep and a time to laugh,
A time to mourn and a time to dance,

Was busy doing other things. Like what you asked? Reading blogs for one. Catching up on my sleep for two, catching up with my reading for three :P However, the activity that kept me occupied, held my attention for two nights a week is : ~ dancing ~

In January, SC asked if I was interested to join a dance class organised by THE famous national matchmaking organisation (got it?!!). I hesitated for two seconds and took a great step of courage and said "Yes". It was really an impromptu decision because SC only asked me 2 days before the class was suppose to start. Within the two seconds, I decided its a new year, time to start/learn something new, time for me to stop being a scary cat ... blah blah. I was glad I said Yes! So far I thorough enjoyed the lessons (five more to go)! So much so that I signed up for another class at a different dance studio!

Last week, I asked God the same stuff and He told me to read Eccl 3:4. Wow ... God is so good!! I had been weeping for the whole of last year but now its time to laugh! I had been mourning for the whole of last year but now its time to dance!

God, You are awesome! Sister P told me that whatever I do, as long as it brings me joy, peace, love and fun, then its definitely from God.

God, thank you for giving me the courage to take a step forward, to learn to dance. Thank you, Holy Spirit for teaching me the dance steps :)

Now who says my God is boring! God, the One who created dance, music definitely way beyond boring! He is awesome and fun!

p.s. Only realised after two lessons that I need that piece of "paper" to be eligible for the class ... how now? hehehe

* The Resume of Jesus Christ *

2006-01-04T09:06:00.000+08:00

Got this from a bookmark! I like it :)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Honest, dependable Son of God seeks management position in the Heart Department of all mankind.

Qualifications
Died on cross, buried, and resurrected on the third day with "all power"
Worked with people of all nationalities, and all economic and educational levels

Skills
Casting out devils
Rescuing those in trouble
Leadership and empowerment abilities
Multilingual and communication skills for understanding people and explaining Biblical truths

Divine Work Experience
Lord & Savior
- redeemed human race from sin
Financial Advsior & Provider
- assisting in times of need
Omnipresent Communications Consultant
- hearing and answering prayers
International Physician
- healing all sickness and disease

Jonah

2006-01-03T14:09:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year!!

As usual, last month was hectic! Last minute shopping for Christmas gifts. My planning was terrible! Thought I had finished buying all the gifts but realised that didn't get gifts for a few close friends :( Never mind, they understand :D

So many stuff happened. Our move to Expo, change of service, cg, ministry. Too many stuff, so I chose one to blog.

Was reading my bible (I was behind schedule!). Came to Jonah 1:4-6

Then the LORD sent a great wind on the sea, and such a violent storm arose that the ship threatened to break up. All the sailors were afraid and each cried out to his own god. And they threw the cargo into the sea to lighten the ship. But Jonah had gone below deck, where he lay down and fell into a deep sleep. The captain went to him and said, "How can you sleep? Get up and call on your god! Maybe he will take notice of us, and we will not perish."

Jonah has so much faith in God that when the storm arose, he had gone below deck to sleep! Not just any sleep, but a deep sleep! Wow I was thinking, Jonah is so confident in God hor! He didn't worry about the storm. If it was me, I would be pacing up and down with worry, thinking hard what to do or pray. But not Jonah. He fell into a deep sleep! He knows who his God is, who is God. He knows that whatever the situation, circumstances he faced, he can trust God. Wow God, I want this kind of faith!

As I thought more on it. I realised that sometimes God allows certain situation to happen so that He can bring us to the place He wanted us to be. Without the storm (Jonah 1:4), Jonah wouldn't be thrown into the sea. The whale wouldn't ate him up (Jonah 1:17). He wouldn't obey God when God spoke to him again (Jonah 3:1-3). In everything we face or come across, God has a purpose for it. And when we have learnt what God wants us to learn. He will bring us to the next step of His plan.

Sometimes we ranted at God for circumstances beyond our control, forgetting that He is in control. Sometimes we grumbled at situations we need to faced, forgetting that He has a purpose for us.

So God, I pray that whatever circumstances I faced, I will learn to trust You, obey You and praise You!!

< I have learnt >

2005-12-06T10:01:00.000+08:00

Someone sent me this and I like it. It is so true that people will never forget how you make them feel.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

In April, Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah on her 70+ birthday. Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older. And, there on television, she said it was "exciting." Regarding body changes, she said there were many, occurring every day...like her breasts. They seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist, first. The audience laughed so hard they cried. She is such a simple and honest woman, with so much wisdom in her words!

Maya Angelou said this: "I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow." "I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas! tree lights."

"I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life." "I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as "making a life." "I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance." "I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back."

I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision." "I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one." "I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone.

People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back." "I've learned that I still have a lot to learn." "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

The Way, The Truth And The Life

2005-11-22T10:23:00.000+08:00

John 14:6 (NIV)
Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

Have been serving in my ministry for around 3 years and for the past year, I was sort of over-seeing the service and team. The responsibility came slowly. My IC left and for awhile my ZS was supervising us but only for certain part of the service. Slowly, her visits were shortened and subsequently she totally left the service to me and another helper. And slowly I was taught how to lead bible story, worship and how to do evaluation.

Initially I took what I was entrusted with as temporary till the new IC came. However the IC never came! I struggled with God on this issue for awhile. I told Him that I am not suitable to lead. I don't have the spiritual maturity to lead! Many times, I wanted to take a break, to change ministry. However, whenever I felt its time to talk to my ZS, situations crop up and I didn't feel the peace to go. Now, I am not saying that without me the service cannot go on, that I am indispensable. It is just that we are always short handed and I know how difficult and tiring it is when we do not have enough helpers. Looking back now, this whole year was not wasted. God taught me many things. He has seen me through many many impossible situations!

Recently the devil throw a smoke screen at me but God showed me the truth :) Last month, SJ asked if I can help her for an hour as she will be late. I agreed. Gosh, the number of kids that came in within that half an hour, terrified me! It was doubled of my service! The whole area was filled with kids, toys and parents that not much of the carpet can be seen! I asked a helper if this is usual for their service. She said that they have a group of regulars that had yet to arrived. There were 28 kids when I spoke to her so I couldn't believe it more kids were coming! Was relieved when SJ took over. Honestly, I was glad that I was not IC of the service.

Two weeks ago, SJ asked if I am free to cover her. I remembered that half an hour experience and I literally shivered. I wanted to say I am not free, however I know that I will be lying if I said that. So I agreed to help out in her service. I told God, I am leaving the service to You. I cannot do it on my own. Help me to share bible story, help me to capture the kids' attention.

The Saturday came. My service had 25 kids and it was hectic because one helper cant make it. By the end of my service, I was so tired. I prayed that God will sustain me through the next service. As the kids started to come in, I was anticipating the chaos but praise God, it was not like the experience I had before. This service had only one kid more than mine and was less hectic! Everything went on smoothly. I asked that same helper what happened to the crowd that I experienced the last time I was there? She said that crowd was unexpected and all of them were surprised by it too.

Wow ... now I know the devil threw a smoke screen at me. He was playing on my fears for handling and telling bible story to a bigger crowd of kids. God is good! He showed me the truth. If God hasn't showed me, I will always think back at the half-hour experience and I will never be able to proceed on to the bigger stuff He has planned for me.

As I think back. When I first started overseeing the service, my kids were not many, less than 10. I prayed and prayed but for a period, the numbers did not increase. As time goes by, as I learn from God how to handle my fears, how to rely on Him in all situations, the number of kids increased. Now, on an average my service would have 16 kids.

God will never give me stuff that I cannot handle. And sometimes its through all these situations that make me realize God is always there for me. He is always there teaching me, guiding me, pushing me on. He increases my "responsibility", my "scope" only when I learn to trust Him, to obey Him, lean on Him and to stretch myself.

As Pastor Ulf had said, God, enlarge my heart, so that it will be able to contain what You had planned for me.

Thank you Father God for stretching me! :)

Commit to the Lord

2005-10-21T08:58:00.000+08:00

Prov 16:3 (NIV)
Commit to the LORD whatever you do,
and your plans will succeed.

I did a 6am-6pm fast yesterday. Praise the Lord, I completed it. Its been awhile I fasted. On Wednesday, during OT I commit the fasting to the Lord and asked that He help to sustained me during my fast. Keep me away from food, from hunger, from coldness and from headache :)

I had done fasting many times and through my own personal experience, I realised that I have to prepared myself for it, pray and commit it to the Lord. I cannot do it half-heartedly, otherwise, I will fail to complete the fast. Somehow when I commit it to the Lord, I know (on the day of the fast) that I will complete it. It is the same this time round.

I like what Proverbs 16 said. I believe that whatever I do I need to commit it to the Lord. It doesn't matter how small or how big my plans are. I believe He will help and guide me in whatever I have committed to Him.

I usually choose to fast on Thursday which is also the night for my cgm. Yesterday in the midst of worshipping, suddenly I felt the Holy Spirit swooped down on me ... wow! Holy Spirit linger around the whole cgm. How do I describe the next few minutes!! The moment He came, I forgot everything else. My thoughts, my spirit and my soul were on Him, on His presence, enjoying His presence. It is just like when I see someone I love dearly. I want to talk to Him, to be in His presence and to follow Him wherever He goes!

Thank Holy Spirit for giving me such a wonderful encounter last night. I want encounters like this everyday! I am not satisfied with a little. I am hungry for you Lord! Very hungry!

JOY

2005-10-07T11:38:00.000+08:00

I bought a toy guitar for my sweetie-pie godson. Although he is only around a year old, we all know that he must have a gift for music coz whenever his daddy or our cg guitarist play, he will just sit down and stared! Sometimes, he would sway with the music, touch or pull the strings. So I am quite sure that he will enjoy the toy guitar.

He was in the living room when I stepped into the house. I happily called out his name, then showed him the toy guitar and wah ... he was so excited! Its the first time I heard him make so much gu-gu ga-ga noises and the first time he kept smiling at me! haha!

I was thinking if the roles were changed. My Heavenly Father gives me a gift knowing that I would enjoy it tremenously ... wah I would also be so excited and making lots of gu-gu ga-ga noises! :)

I remember the love I have for him when I bought the guitar, the excitment I felt on the way to give it to him and the joy I felt, knowing that he will have fun with it. I am sure these are exactly what my Father God feels for me ... maybe even many times more!

God, You said You have plans to prosper me, plans to give me hope and a future. I know for sure You said it with love, with joy, with gladness, with excitment and with a smile!

Thank you God, for being a wonderful Heavenly Father!

p.s. The pinkish ring was made by my colleague ... but now its mine :D

< bitterness >

2005-10-05T11:01:00.000+08:00

My earthly shepherd talked to me yesterday after pm. He asked if I had a peaceful sleep the night before coz he prayed for me and he felt the bitterness in my heart. He wants me to uproot the bitterness and learn forgiveness. He asked if I ever wonder why I had bitterness, ever asked myself what caused it. I told him no and that sometimes I don't even want to know. He said that is one thing he realised about me, not wanting to know, not wanting to find out. He said sometimes we need to ask, find out the reason, the source of things. He asked if I ever wonder why I needed God in my life. Make a wisdom choice he said.

How do I tell him the things in my heart? The reasons why. How do I adequately put across to him the despair, the loneliness, the longing I felt. Will he be able to empathise with the situations I am facing, the troubled emotions I am feeling?

Bitterness is a hard pill to swallow and it leaves a awful after taste. Don't I want to be happy? Of course. Don't I want the Lord's fullness of joy in my life. Of course.

Again I wept before the Lord last night. I asked Him, my creator to help me understand why do I have that desire, that emotion. I felt like Job when he lost everything.

I asked myself why do I have the bitterness. It came down to one source - envy. Sigh ...

My Heavenly Father, my creator, help me to uproot the bitterness, envy, disappointment, stubborness in my heart. Help me to cleanse the plot of land in my heart. Let seeds of love, happiness, joy, thanksgiving, contentment and security be planted!

* Obedience *

2005-10-03T10:37:00.000+08:00

So much things happened lately. Depression hit me a few weeks ago but I am holding on fast and tight to the Lord!

Recently God taught me a little lesson on obedience. I had never been on mission trips and the last two trips that I signed up for was cancelled. In one QT, I read about Barnabas going on a mission trip and felt that was what I should plan for. And true enough, one week later, my earthly shepherd announced that there were a few trips to China. I was excited as one of the trips was on the 1st week of November which I had planned to take leave for a holiday trip.

However, I was quite concern about the language. I can speak simple Mandarin but how am I going to pray and converse in Mandarin! I asked shepherd to find out more on the purpose of this mission trip.

I hesitated, thought it over, consulted my friends, ... blah blah blah ... To cut the story short, when I finally decided to sign up for the trip, my shepherd told me that I cant go because they need people who at least are able to converse and understand Mandarin well. I was so disappointed! :(

I learnt from this lesson. Whenever my Heavenly Father call, I will learn to answer! Whenever He speaks, I will learn to hear! Whenever He asked, I will learn to obey! Wherever He leads, I will learn to follow!

Thank you Lord for this lesson. I will trust You will all my heart and not lean on my own understanding (Prov 3:5)

2005-09-01T12:18:00.000+08:00

Phew this week was so busy. Was on mc on Monday and when I went back to the office the next day its non stop work till now.

We made up. My friend and I. She apologised to me on the way home. And I apologised too. I told my friend that I am sorry that I lost my temper. I told her that if I lose my temper again, do tell me straight in the face. Don't leave me to nurse the anger. This method works for me. Strange, lately I felt that its better to get everything out instead of keeping it in.

The message that Pst Ulf shared was on the 7 things that hindered us to filful our destiny. Wah speak straight into my heart! :)

Last night, while doing QT, I sensed Jesus holding my hands and felt in my heart that He said:

I will hold your hand when you walk
I will hold your hand when you stumble
I will hold your hand when you get married
I will hold your hand when you become a mother
I will hold your hand when you are a grandmother
When its time for you to come home, I will hold your hand and guide you
I will always hold your hand

Sometimes I will be in front of you so that you can keep your eyes on Me
Sometimes I will be beside you so that I can walk with you
Sometimes I will be behind you so that I can give you support
I will never leave you.

2005-08-26T11:03:00.000+08:00

Don't walk in front of me,
I may not follow.
Don't walk behind me,
I may not lead.
Just walk beside me and be my friend. ~ Albert Camus

As I came to work, I recalled the above. Last night after cgm, my friend rushed up the stairs, the lift and left me behind. She forgotten about me! I was mad at her that I sulked (I am sorry Lord!) and we sat separately in the mrt. I know we must catch the last bus and mrt or else we would have to spend $ on taxi fare. Where is the empathy? Where is the concern? Where is the consideration? I thought friends look out for each other.

I had been left behind alot lately. Injured my calf muscle earlier this month. Because I was too stubborn to see the chinese physician ie sinseh for acupressure, I limped around for one week plus. I went to the western doctor instead and took mediation. That didn't help much. Finally I went to the sinseh and gosh after the massage, brusies appeared and covered my whole calf. Looked like I was beaten up!

I can understand a bit how a physically handicap person feel. Going up the stairs, the escalators, up humps takes a lot of effort, energy and patience. Just walking takes so much effort! I realised that Singapore is not handicap friendly! The part that bothered me most is walking! I usually walk at a brisk pace, reached places in record time. But after the injury, I had to limped around or walk slowly. People stared at you, wondering why you are limping. People zoomed passed you. Colleagues zoomed passed you. Friends walked on and forgot about you.

God has taught me to enjoy the "scenery" when I was limping around. On route to the office, I learnt to enjoyed the scenery, the slow pace, to appreciate my surroundings. When colleagues zoomed passed, I waved. When friends doubled back to look for me, I smiled. Of course, there were times I was so frustrated but I had learnt to look beyond that and at God.

Cgm message last night was about the 4 tests. I think I failed the people test. The expectations I put on people lead to me being disappointed (especially last night).

Lord, sorry that You have to teach me this lesson again. I did not learn from the last lesson and now have to learn it through the painful way.

Lord Jesus, help me to put my expectations on You because You can never fail me. Help me not to look onto people for anything! Help me to control my anger! Thank you Jesus!

~ throw open ~

2005-08-19T09:41:00.000+08:00

Malachi 3:10 (NIV)

Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it

Cambridge Advanced Learner's Dictionary

throw sth open (OBJECT) phrasal verb [M]
to open something which was closed, usually suddenly and completely: She drew back the curtains and threw open all the windows.

throw sth open (EVENT) phrasal verb [M]
to allow people to enter or become involved in an event: The competition has been thrown open to the public.

A couple of days ago, while searching for a scripture to encourage L on tithing, I came across the scripture above (NIV). The two words "throw open" striked me. Wow! Our God is a generous God. God is not going to open the floodgates just by an inch or two. He wants to completely open the floodgates of heaven and pour out blessings on us. God also wants us to enter or to be involved in His blessings. How? By being a faithful tither!

We had a church wide full fasting from Tuesday to Thursday. Yesterday I did a partial fast from 6am-6pm. While reading the bible during lunchtime, I was reminded on the above scripture. I wrote the above version in my NKJV bible and highlighted the words "throw open". Last night during cgm offering time, our dear shepherd also quoted this scripture. Wow, twice in a day I was reminded of God's promise.

Thank God for Your promise that as we tithe, as we bring our first fruits to You, You will throw open the floodgates of heaven and give us so much blessing that we cannot contain it! Amen!

God, I am a faithful tither, I am ready! Open the floodgates! :)

Finally ... I remembered

2005-08-10T09:28:00.000+08:00

Had dinner with Su on the eve of National Day. We have not met for a long time. She is one of my dearest friend and one who can understand (at least 80%) what I am facing in the BGR area :)

Throughout the whole of Monday, the thought of him kept popping into my mind. Oh well lets give him a nick ... hmm ... BBH ... hahaha ... our path crossed at least 5 times and honestly speaking I cant recall clearly how he looked like. I have to think for a while before I can remember his face :P The funny part is the face of another brother came to mind whenever I thought of BBH. The whole day, I kept trying to remember how he looked like and cant recall. I told God, how come I find him interesting but yet can't recall his face! On the other hand, I think its good too.

Anyway I met Su at City Hall around 6.45pm. We have not decided where to eat. Finally we decide to go CC and the moment I walk in ...... ta ta guess who was there near the entrance! Its BBH with 4 other gals!

Haha, I just have to again thank God for granting the small desires of my heart and for showing me the humorous side of Him. God's timing is always right. There are a few occasions where I was in a lousy mood, God, being the gracious Father He is, showed me His humor and every time I cant help but just shake off my lousy mood and laugh along with Him!

God, just like any earthly father wants make His children happy. He wants to grant the desires of our heart. He wants to make us smile. Even just a thought or whisper, God heard and He remembers!

God, I hope I will always put a smile on Your face! I love You Lord!

More on Barnabas

2005-08-08T17:05:00.000+08:00

I found out more about the personality and character of Barnabas ... and I like it! :)

"Barnabas must be ranked as one of the truly great men of the early church. He was a worthy peer of Paul, but has been overshadowed by his more gifted companion. He was a gracious personality, characterized by his generous disposition and keenness to discern the spiritual potentialities of others ... he had a largeness of heart that enabled him to act as an encourager of those who had failed, and the succorer of the friendless and the needy."

This article "Barnabas, the Son of Encouragement" is by John Gagliardi.

The full article can be found from CHC website : http://www.chc.org.sg/breakthrough_word/bb_2004_03.htm

Putting His Desires in us

2005-08-04T12:28:00.000+08:00

Got an email from EJ yesterday and one of the things we spoke of was praying for our S.H. I shared with her the verse that God showed me (Acts 11:24), teaching me how to pray His way.

EJ said something about God putting His desires in our heart and it got me thinking. Sorry lah, sometimes I need to think back and realised "oh ... this is how this lead to that" or "oh ... that's part of the picture or puzzle" ... hahaha

Lately, through serving I got to know a few new people. There is this particular guy that I find interesting. And everytime I got a chance to see him, I would wonder why do I find him interesting. The funny part is that he is not what I would look for. The key word is "would". I am a little wiser now to know to open my heart to God's leading and not lean on my own understanding :)

I shared with God about my interest in him and ask God why him huh? God asked me "what about him that attracts you if he is not what you would look for?" Initally, I was puzzled lah, then I realised that what attracts me to him is his faith in God. His confidence in God.

When I saw EJ's email then I realised God had put His desire in my heart. What used to attracts me, no longer is the top priority. God is helping me to see through His eyes. He wants me to have what He desires for me.

Of course I am not jumping to conclusion that this guy is for me, etc etc. I am simply happy to see how the pieces fall in place! It is just so delightful to realise that what is unfolding in front of me is part of God's plan. The revelation that He has put His desires in me is simply so wonderful! Now this is just a small part of a big picture. I don't know what the whole picture will be like, but I do know that I can always lean on God and trust Him to guide me along.

What my friend always says - if you don't see God's hand, trust His heart!

I know God's heart is full of good plans for me! :)

The Heavenly Man

2005-08-01T12:23:00.000+08:00

Its been awhile since I posted but what I learnt is too previous not to share. I am just going to cut and paste from an email I sent to my friends about this book titled "The Heavenly Man" ... haha too lazy to rewrite

*********************
19.07.05
Hi, friends

Last week I bought a book titled “The Heavenly Man”. It is a true story of the life, persecution and imprisonment of Chinese Christian Brother Yun. I couldn’t put down the book and finished it within 2 days. For those who attended makeup cell at David's will remember that he shared two of Brother Yun’s testimonies ie how God provided him a bible and how God open the prison doors for him.

I would like to share with you this short excerpt from one of the chapter that gave me insight to this scripture: John 12:24-25 “Most assuredly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces much grain. He who loves his life will lose it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.”

For awhile, I was perplexed by this scripture. I had let my “grain” died but how come I don’t see any growth, any harvest and sometimes things got even worse. It was until I read this book that I understand more about the time in between the “grain” dying and growing.

This chapter is about the second time Brother Yun was in prison. He was detained by the Myanmar authorities and later put in the largest prison in Myanmar. This prison house 10,000 men. Many were suffering from AIDS and a large number had leprosy. No words can adequately describe the terrible conditions of the prison. Brother Yun was sentenced to seven years in prison but the Lord got him out after seven months and seven days.

Excerpt from Chapter 28 – A seed in the ground
Earlier, about a month after my arrest, the Lord had impressed this Scripture on my heart, “I tell you the truth, unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.” John 12:24-25.

As I mediated on these verses, I started to think about my time on the farm in Henan, and how it took about seven months for a seed of wheat to appear above the soil after being planted in the ground. I felt the Lord was showing me that I would need to be “in the ground” (prison) for seven months before He would release me.

Jesus taught me many lessons when I was a seed buried in the prison. I have found the Christian life is not glamorous to the flesh. When a little seed is put into the ground it is not comfortable. It lies in the dark isolation of rough soil for months, suffers in the frozen ground of winter and the heat of summer, and is even covered with stinking manure and fertilizer. Only after it has silently endured all these trials is the seed ready to spring to life and produce a harvest that will feed many.

When a seed is buried in the ground it has no choice but to wait patiently for God’s time for it to spring to life. In the same way I knew it was completely futile to trust in human efforts to get me out of prison. Instead of trusting in human rights organizations to apply political pressure, I knew my future was completely in the hands of God only, and I would get out only when His time had come.
----------------------

Please go buy this book coz its awesome! You will realise how faithful and wise our Heavenly Father is! ... hmm... you should know by now ... izzit??!!! :) Be blessed!

His Way ~ His Word ~ His Will

2005-06-08T16:24:00.000+08:00

Yesterday the thought came if I should continue to pray for my S.H. Part of me didn't want to because I have been praying so long yet nothing happened. The other part of me wanted to continue praying.

I am confused! So I asked myself. Who wouldn't want me to pray? The devil.

So I decided to continue praying for my S.H. However I did told God that I am discourage because I had prayed for a long time and yet to see any outcome. God said that I didn't pray His way. Ha ... I am smarter this time :P , so I asked God how do I pray for my S.H.? I asked the Holy Spirit to teach me how to pray.

During my QT, again I asked God to show me from His words, how do I pray for my S.H., what to pray for. When I opened the bible, it came to Acts 11. Acts 11 talks about the Church of Jerusalem sending Barnabas to Antioch. In Acts 11:24, it says "Barnabas was a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and of faith."

OK! Thank you God for Your Word. Thank you Holy Spirit for Your guidance! Until You tell me to pray for other specific qualities, I will continue to pray for a S.H. that is like Barnabas, a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and of faith! :)

* He knows * He heard * He heals *

2005-06-06T11:31:00.000+08:00

Last Friday was a day of miracles and revelations.

Had lunch with SC at Raffles Place. I poured out my grievances and problems to her. She listened and tells me what she felt about it. She said that I have to let go of the bitterness. I have to make a choice to let it go. She is one of the few friends that listens with her ears and heart.

On the way back to the office, I bump into one of the PS. We exchanged pleasantries and before we headed back to our individual office, he turned around and said : God loves you!

Huh? I thought I heard something else. He repeated "God loves you!"

Wow! We chatted awhile on God's love. I asked him why he told me that. He said that he felt I needed to know. I told him that's what I really needed to hear at this moment.

Later at service, during worship, the still small voice spoke to me - "Go make peace with your brother". Later God spoke again - "There is no room in your heart for Me if you hold on to the bitterness". I heard and I know what I had to do. I had to ask for forgiveness from my brother and to forgive my brother.

During communion, I prayed to the Lord that my thoughts, my actions/words and my feelings will be in line with His will and His words. Let what I think, what I feel, what I do be consistent. If I say I love my neighbour, I cannot just say it in my heart and mind, but my words/actions must speak and show love too.

Throughout the sermon, the Holy Spirit reminded me to speak to my brother. Haha... the Holy Spirit knows what I don't want to do. After I heard what the Lord said during worship, I told myself I will forgive, however I didn't feel like saying it out to my brother. However the Holy Spirit reminded me what I prayed during communion. If my heart and my mind decide to forgive then my words/actions must be in line too. So that means I have to go to my brother to seek forgiveness and tell him that I forgive him.

After service, I pull my brother aside and ask for his forgiveness and told him that I forgive him. I told him what happened starting from the afternoon till worship. I told him what I had learnt through this trial. God also brought to my attention those issues buried deep down in my heart. God wanted me to acknowledge it, looked at it, deal with it. My brother was very happy to hear what I shared, to know that I had my breakthrough. He also told me how God dealt with him throughout this period.

God, I realised how much I want You in my heart more than anything else. Lord, after letting go of the bitterness and burdens to You, I feel much peace and joy. Truly Lord, Your yoke is easy and Your burden light (Matthew 11:30).

My Heavenly Father, thank you for Your grace to me. Holy Spirit, thank you for always reminding me of things I prayed. Jesus, my Saviour, thank you for teaching me about forgiveness.

~ listen to what's not being said ~

2005-06-02T10:34:00.000+08:00

Everyone hears what you say.

Friends listen to what you say.

Best friends listen to what you don't say.

How true!
How many of us are able to make time to listen?
How many of us are able to listen without interrupting?
How many of us are able to listen without having to put across a point or two?
How many of us are able to not only use our ears but also our heart to listen?
How many of us are able to listen to what wasn't said?

fall into the arms

2005-06-01T14:08:00.000+08:00

I wasnt feeling good emotionally and spiritually.

Yesterday during QT, I listened to Sheila Walsh worship cd "All that Really Matters". One of the songs brought more tears to my eyes. This beautiful song reminded me to surrender my heart and Jesus is stronger than my fear. No matter what comes, Jesus is all that matters.

Fall Into The Arms
© Chris Harris and David Mullen

Broken heart weary soul
Just hold on a little while longer
Life is hard I know
Fear is strong
But Jesus is stronger
Surrender your heart
He'll heal every scar
Fall into the arms of Jesus

We fall down on our face
Rest inside the hiding place
With our hearts and all our soul
We return the love You've shown
Surrender the light walk into the light
Fall into the arms of Jesus

Desert rose breathing hope
Holding on for one drink of water
Lift your head and the wind will blow
The rain will come
Beautiful daughter wherever you are
You're still in His heart
Fall into the arms of Jesus

Jesus is the only thing that matters
All that really matters is my Jesus
The only thing that matters
If I didn't have my Jesus
Then I wouldn't have anything

My precious Jesus, as I surrender my heart and fall into Your arms, let Your love surround and make me feel safe and secure.

the "S" word

2005-04-15T14:58:00.000+08:00

Gensis 2:18 (NKJV)
And the LORD God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him."

No lah its not sex. It is S.I.N.G.L.E

I was so unhappy yesterday. There is another parent gathering in May. It is the second gathering (from what I know of) in 6 months. Why are there no gatherings for the singles and unattached? Why are the singles being ignored. We need to build friendships and relationships too you know. When I am referring to singles, I am talking about those 30 years old and above.

The focus is on married couples, young people, old people, business people. What happen to the singles? We are usually left out in prayers. However when it comes to time and money, we are first on the list. Its goes “You single mah, got no family, no commitments so have more time and money”. Who says I have no commitment! I am committed to save for my old age when I have no companion by my side, no children or grandchildren. Do I expect you to look after me! And don't forgot, like you, I have parents too! I have to look after them.

Whenever I talk to my friends (who are attached or married) and cgm to look out for someone that I can get to know or get the single people together, some will say don’t worry, don’t be anxious. Yeah its easy for you to say coz you are attached/married. Its easy for you to say enjoy singlehood coz when attach/married have problems too. You think single no problem meh? Ever been sick in the middle of the night and you wish he was there to take care of you. Ever been so sad that you wish he was there to lend you his shoulder and give you a hug. Ever been so happy, then realized you don’t have a "he" to share with? Ever heard the grass is always greener on the other side. Friends? Please! Are they there 24/7? Its even worse when they are married. They only give you left over time. Time when husbands are out of town. Time when kids are with baby-sitter. Time when they need you to comfort them, etc etc.

Then I remembered I have a bridegroom! (John 3:29 The bride belongs to the bridegroom) I have JESUS! My situation, the people around me, my age, my looks may be against me but Lord, You said if You are for me then who can be against me! Praise the Lord!!

large fish, 153 ...

2005-04-09T13:09:00.000+08:00

John 21:11 (NKJV)
Simon Peter went up and dragged the net to land, full of large fish, one hundred and fifty-three; and although there were so many, the net was not broken.

Last week while doing my morning devotion, this verse stood out. The words "large fish" kept going through my mind. I wonder why the size of the fish and the number of fishes caught are recorded in the bible? Why it is stated that the net did not break? After thinking about it throughout the day, I came to a conclusion that:

* what God has for us is always big! God says that He has plans to propser us and plans to give us hope and a future (Jer 29:11). Definitely a plan that gives hope and a future will not be a small one ... but it will be an awesome and wonderful plan!

* God always gives in abundance. He can do above and beyond what we can think of! Initially Peter caught none, yet at the end of the day, he caught 153 large fish!

* No man or demons can snatch away what God promises us! The net is man made yet it didn't break coz whether God gives us (be it a task, a responsibility, a project, etc), He will also gives us the grace and strength to haul it in.

I then went up 5 verses.

John 21:6
And He said to them, "Cast the net on the right side of the boat, and you will find some." So they cast, and now they were not able to draw it in because of the multitude of fish.

Ahh... the bulb is lighted up! Jesus told Peter where to cast the net. The revelation I had is that when we obey God and walk in obedience, we will prosper, we will receive the blessings and promises God has for us. If Peter did not obey Jesus, he wouldn't have caught 153 large fish!

Thank you God for Your wonderful promises! Thank you God that You love us! Thank you Holy Spirit for the wonderful revelation!

If music be the food of love; play on.

2005-04-07T12:06:00.000+08:00

Psalm 92:1-3 (NIV)
It is good to praise the LORD and make music to your name, O Most High,
to proclaim your love in the morning and your faithfulness at night,
to the music of the ten-stringed lyre and the melody of the harp.

Went for a classic concert yesterday evening with MG. It was Zubin Mehta's. He came with the Orchestra of the Maggio Musicale Fiorention for only one night. MG called two days ago and said that DB couldn't attend and if I wanted his ticket ... for free. Wow ... Praise the Lord! I was lamenting to God that I had not attended any concerts for long awhile and ta ta ... I was given a free ticket worth $120!

I didn't know who Zubin Mehta is as I am not serious classic music listener. I simply like music ... most kind of music (except heavy metal, techno and hard rock). Anyway he is a famous conductor and when I came back to office today, my boss and colleague told me they couldn't get tickets because it was sold out. Ahh... I am so blessed! I even got his autograph! :)

Next to love, I think music is the most expressive thing God has created! Every emotions and feelings can be expressed through muisc. I cant understand how can anyone not sway or move when music is played! To be able to play instrument of any kind and create wonderful muisc is a gift I yearn to have. Of all the music played by the various instruments, my favourite would be the volin. The music that comes from it is simply beautiful!

Thank you God for giving music and blessed are those who praise and worship You with it!

The living and the dead

2005-04-06T11:38:00.000+08:00

This morning, I am still thinking about the statement mom made last night - "you don't know who your parents are?". What prompt her remarks? I cant remember what we were talking about. I guess she is not happy that I didn't go with her for Qing Ming. And last Sunday I reluctantly went with her to the temple where the dad's ashes were stored.

Since young, I used to go with them for Qing Ming. After dad died, I continued with this ritual with another additional place to visit - dad's. I cant stand it the way mom was "bullied" by the uncles. They expect her to do all the cooking and buying of stuff. She wakes up 3am just to get everything ready by 7am. Starting 5 years ago, I reason, argued with her that she should tell the uncles to share the responsibilities of getting all the stuff. One of the uncles always buys flowers only! Gheez it really gets me so upset. These two years, mom learnt to say no, learnt to speak up. However I still dislike the way she is expected to do stuff as she is the eldest daughter-in-law or rather that she has been doing it for years.

Recently I stopped going for Qing Ming and only accompanied mom to the temple (dad's resting place) if she has too many things to carry. She felt that I had "abandoned" her. I have forgotten about dad. Qing Ming, paying respect to our dead loved ones is part of the Chinese custom but does it have to become "you are filial if you go" kind of thing. I went coz I want to please mom. As for Dad, I have him in my heart. I have memories of him in my mind. I don't need a tablet to remind me of him!

I missed Dad. I was never closed to him. I regret that I do not know much about him or spend more time with him. He went quite suddenly. I only had 3 months with him and these 3 months were not happy ones. He was sick and sad. I know who my parents are. Although I am not closed to them but I love and respect them. For bringing me up and loving me. After Dad died, I tried to be a good daughter to mom. I tried to spend more time with her, not to be short fused, be patient when talking to her. Mom is a wonderful person! I am blessed to have her as my mother. Yet sometimes those casual remarks she made hurts. When I try to explain to her, she will say "yah lor I never had much education, cant out speak you". As for emotional blackmail, it gets to me most of the time but that story is for another day.

Anyway my question is ... who is important, the living or the dead?

Story of my "keshet"

2005-04-04T13:11:00.000+08:00

Gensis 9:12-13
And God said: "This is the sign of the covenant which I make between Me and you, and every living creature that is with you, for perpetual generations: I set My rainbow in the cloud, and it shall be for the sign of the covenant between Me and the earth.

Keshet is from the Hebrew, meaning Rainbow, Bow Arch (well at least that’s what google said).

Last year, when I decided to visit Israel with the Church, friends and mom told me not to go coz of the situation there. However, I prayed asking God for peace in my heart if He wants me to go. A few weeks before the trip, during my QT, I read about the covenant between God and Noah. I then asked God to show me a rainbow when I am in Israel.

Our trip started in Jerusalem (we spent about 4 days there before proceeding to other parts of Israel) and the weather was so hot. I asked God, "hmm, how am I going to see a rainbow if there is no rain!" After the second day, I totally forgotten about the rainbow I asked God to show me.

On our last night in Jerusalem, during dinner, my friend told me that the photographer had set up a booth and was selling the pictures he took of us. Immediately, I went and bought a few pictures. After dinner, on my way back to my room, met another friend and she asked me to accompanied her to the booth. As both of us were looking through the stacks of pictures she held, suddenly my heart stopped for a second ... in her hand was a picture of the whole group sitting on the Southern Steps and guess what ... a beautiful rainbow stretched across the picture. Everything stopped for me the moment I saw the rainbow. I couldn't say anything else just "thank you God for the rainbow".

You see, I have forgotten what I asked God for however He didn't. Sometimes, when my prayers took a long time to be answered (or still waiting to be answered), I wonder "God, have you forgotten about me? Did you hear my prayers". Then I am reminded about the rainbow. God didn't forget and He heard. He knows what I asked for and He knows what is the best for me. That is how wonderful my Heavenly Father is!

This also tells me not to put God in a box, not to limit what He can do for me. I confess, many times I despair when I look at the hopeless situation I am in, the people I am surrounded with. Yet look at what God did when I asked for a rainbow. He didn't just gave me a few minutes glimpse of the rainbow. He took it and put it in print for me!

Although there are a few things I am still praying and waiting for, however I know when it comes, it will be according to God's will and time coz my God knows what is the best for me and when is the best time for me to have it.

p.s. I forgot to buy that picture! Never mind, its imprinted in my heart :D

I finally did it ...

2005-04-03T22:48:00.000+08:00

I finally got round to create a blog!

Wanted to do it on Friday, then I realised it was April Fool's Day. Hmmm any significant? Nay... :)